A Guaranteed Win

You win some, you lose some. Tonight, we do both! The night has arrived in which the Rising Suns split for Team Rising VS Team Suns. If everyone shows up, I am fairly certain we're looking at an 11 on 11 match up.

Team Suns, captained by First Lobster Ali, includes Joe Barber, Scrappy Doo, Amy "the Bad Ass" Hussey, KLynch, Kat, Josh, Harry Potter, the Pope, Jill the Scientist, and yours truly. Team Rising, captained by BK, has the other 11 people. I'm fairly certain that team includes Allie, BVDubs, BPH, and Walter subbing for John Pugh.








 

 

 

What's at stake are three things:

1. Bragging rights, obviously
2. The losing team buys the first round of pitchers for the victors tonight
3. Some sort of side-bet with the Captains. I don't know what BK gets if he wins, but Ali gets to do the lineup for a game TBD should her team be victorious.

More importantly than all of that, tonight is a night for having fun, trying new positions, and playing the field.


See what I did there?

 My prediction is that it will be a close game and people will have fun. Particularly during the inning in which I am catching and thus able to mercilessly heckle each batter.

Expect discourse to remain on this level

That's all I've got. See you tonight.

A Tale of Two Somethings

Previously on Rising Suns Softball: We dropped a game to the Fleischer and found out that Tina desecrated the Commisioner's Cup.

Tonight's Episode: Our first game of the Facepalm Double Header saw us venture to the cold, hard tundra of Belmont 4 to square off with the Tap Room. A team known for its power hitting added more power hitters, who spent a lot of time sending the ball somewhere toward Altoona. There wasn't much to be done about that, but according to the book we held them to a couple of scoreless innings later in the game. But enough about them. Let's talk about us. First and foremost, we scored 15 runs, which is the most runs we have scored in one game. The fifth inning was particularly kind to us, as five batters scored in a row. Not too shabby.

Snark Tank getting crowded

The following evening, we met the Catahoula Refugees at Dairy 2 for an equally chilly encounter. In the top of the first, we retired the top of their order in a beautiful 1,2,3 inning. After that, the Fugees started putting up more runs. As Catahoula is easily the best fielding team in the league, we didn't start scoring until the fifth inning, when I called BK safe at first. Derm insists he made the throw in time, but it was a bit closer from my angle. At any rate, we woke up a bit and put some runs on the board.

As far as predictions go, I expected 25-10 against the Tappers. Both teams scored 5 additional runs, so I was a bit off on the score but right on point with the deficit. As for Catahoula, I was thinking 17-9 and it ended up being 17-5. I think it'll be closer next time.

After the game, First Lobster announced the results of the first ever intra-team draft for next Tuesday's scrimmage. I'm looking forward to the heckling, the practice, and the free beers Team Rising will be giving us after the game. GO SUNS!

The Scores: 30-15 SPTR, 17-5 Catahoula

Mr. Bump Injury Report: Three games in a row with no bloodshed! Huzzah!


Harry, making bad decisions



Aesop's Moral Victory of the Game: Scoring 15 runs against SPTR and the top of the first against Catahoula

When Your Bank Says No, Champion Says Yes Champion of the Game: For the game against the Tap Room on Monday, I'm going to go with John and Max for their hitting. The Catahoula game honors go to newcomer Walter for an impressive debut.

Quotes:

"I have 4 less teeth in my mouth than you do!" - Mrs. Buddy
"More room for activities!" - Some asshole

"Worst blog post ever." - Someone who does not like the blog

"Yeah, mines real small. It's cold." - Speak-N-Spellman

"Please make that last longer." - First Lobster

"Narragansett? What's that?" - Someone wearing a Narragansett shirt

"The kids said I looked like Harry Potter." - 2012 Mike
"You don't." - 2012 Jill
"It's going to be your blog nickname anyway." - 2012 Pat
"He doesn't even look like Harry Potter." - 2013 BK

"You've got to try a fat lesbian!" - Maureen

"I was reading your blog and couldn't figure out why you kept talking about Burger King. Then I realized you meant Pickle." - Derm

"Goddamn you shortrib, you've ruined this brisket for me!" - Me, according to B3

"You need adult supervision." - Barry to Harry

"No one can cock block BPH." - Kidnappable Allie

"I need balls." - Whitmarsh

Duck and Cover

Tonight begins our first CCSL double header of the season. We put our 0-3 record up against the one-two punch of the South Philly Tap Room and the Catahoula Refugees. It ain't gonna be pretty, folks. Let's take a look at how these games will go.

South Philly Tap Room: Last year, we played the Tappers twice, losing both times (27-5, 30-5). While I think the margin will be a bit closer, maybe in the 25-10 range, it'll still feel a little bit like this:

Ouchies

Catahoula Refugees: In our one game against the ex-Force, we fell 14-2. And they went easy on us. This game won't be as painful as tonight's, maybe a 17-9 finish, and there will be much more heckling.

My spirit animal

My best advice for these games is to play deep. Really deep. Maybe we can hold them to triples instead of homers if we play deep. Like, super deep. For example, in our season opener against the Franklin, we shocked them by starting off with three consecutive home runs and then a triple. For the rest of the game, they played deeper and we stopped scoring. Perhaps we can try that tonight.

This is how they would react

Now, not every person on these two teams is a power hitter. After the first inning or two, we should be able to adjust in the field. As for early in the game, you should be able to recognize their top hitters.

Like this guy

See you at the fields!

Why'd You Do It, Tina?

Previously on Rising Suns Softball: We put up a spirited fight against the Zoo and things were looking up for the Rising Suns.


Our participant ribbon


Tonight's Episode: Last night's Fleischermania IV began with some friendly banter between the Fleischers and Rising Suns early arrivers Erin and yours truly. Tina began heckling me as soon as I arrived, and for those of you who drank from that beautiful cup pictured on the right, you may want to skip the quotes section. Just saying.

Apart from the aforementioned banter and heckling, last night did not go as expected. On the plus side, we stepped up our defense, most evident by the spectacular showing by BVDubs all over the freaking infield. Seriously, is there a base she didn't make a play at? John Pugh and Scrappy Doo continue to work together well at Short and Second, getting key outs. Josh moved from first to third and came up with a clutch out late in the game. Right field looked a lot better with stellar playing from Amy the Bad Ass Hussey, Jill the Scientist, Marky Mark (sans the Funky Bunch) and the debut of Tiffany Allen. I also seem to remember Joe Barber closing an inning with a key grab in left. Once again, our ptiching was on point with Barry and Harry getting a strike out.

Unfortunately, our hitting was not as good as last week. Our heavy hitters (Kevin, Joe, John)did well getting multiple bases and allowing base runners to cross the plate. Beth, Amy, Charlotte, Mike, Spellman, and Barry all contributed hits as well. Since opted for some BP at the end of the game, i forgot to look at the book to get stats, so apologies if I missed anyone. We also had quite a few strike outs in the game, which didn't help. Hopefully the strike rule will go back to normal once we get into May!

On a more pleasant note, it was good to see such a great turnout at Bishop's Collar after the game! Playing in this league is a lot more fun when we go out and get to hang out with other teams. So thanks to Jill, Amy, Kat, Ali, Kevin, Valerie, and Beth for coming out. After Monday's game, join a few teams at North Star Bar for some fun!

The Score: 17-8 Fleischer

Mr. Bump Injury Report: No one got hurt, though Josh was trying to kill me before the game.

Aesop's Moral Victory of the Game: No one got hurt. Also, we allowed less than 23 runs. We had extra beer, too.

When Your Bank Says No, Champion Says Yes Champion of the Game: BVDubs. If not for spectacular play at both first and third and a good performance at the plate, definitely for the awesome play at the plate on former Fartie Kyle.

Quotes:

"I peed in that cup!" - Elated Tina
"Shit. I drank out of that cup." - Deflated Pat

"Balls to the mouth never stopped you before." - A cheeky Harry Potter

"I want to be her when I grow up." - Kat, vocalizing what the rest of the team was thinking after BVDubs tagged Kyle out

"I can't go anywhere, I'm chained to the fence." - El Presidente
"That's what she said." - A Scientist

"Jesus, Buddy, that thing grows two inches everytime I see it." - Lanice (of the Collar)

"I only see it when I'm in your mouth." - Allie to Ali

"What made you switch teams?" - PW
"This team drinks more." - Kyle, simultaneously summing up the CCSL and earning my respect

"I self fist bump because I don't need other people to validate my awesomeness." - BVDubs

"Nice beard." - A friendly HP, to a batter
"That's an ok beard, not as good as the last one." - A less friendly HP, to the next batter
"Nice minivan." - Much less friendly HP, to Joe

Next time on Rising Suns Softball: A double header against the two top teams in the league, South Philly Tap Room and Catahoula Refugees.

Softball Blogging 101 or What Is This Shit?

Hey, remember that time we won?!

It was recently brought to my attention that there are people on the team who aren't too familiar with what is going on with this blog. This post is intended to make an attempt at explaining this ridiculousness and help you familiarize yourself with the cast of characters that are often the butt of my terrible jokes.

First and foremost, this blog exists to make fun of ourselves and other teams. You will notice that some people get mentioned more than others. This is usually because I try not to insult people I don't know that well. For example, you will see me ridicule BK, our Academy representatives, Charlotte, and Spellman on a frequent basis from our team, and I hurl insults at members of several other teams as well. These are all people who know me well enough to know that I am full of shit and are also likely to send me reminders of funny things that happened or people said during games. Being made fun of is probably the best way to get a mention here, but definitely not the only way.

The blog's secondary purpose is to recap the games (Here's a good recap from last season). As I have the memory of a goldfish cracker, this has been a bit hairy so far this season. I'll get better at this starting tonight, as I plan to take a photo of the book so we can get a bit more recap into these posts so I can waste less space making fun of people you don't know.

With all that being said, I'll introduce you to a few people you don't know, but first, a history lesson:

A long time ago someone thought it was a good idea to start a softball league in Center City. In the early years there were museums, newspapers, and branches of government represented. Most, if not all, of those teams have since morphed into something else. For example, the Chamber of Commerce had a team, and eventually nobody on the team worked for the CoC anymore. So they creatively renamed themselves X-Commerce before taking on a bar sponsor and becoming the South Philly Tap Room. Our team has a somewhat similar history.

The Franklin Institute had a team from day one. For awhile, they teamed up with CHOP to become the Choplin Force or something like that. Eventually, they dropped that ridiculous name and continued on as the Franklin Force, though they kept some hangers-on from CHOP. Over the years, the team grew and grew and grew and began winning championship after championship. Despite this success, several members of the team who actually worked for TFI barely got any playing time while players who were friends of someone or leftovers from CHOP took up the bulk of the playing time (because they were frankly better than the science nerds). For the record, those science nerds included BK, Allie, Charlotte, and yours truly.

Asscap PW & Cap'n BK as CCSL Champions in 2010

Cap'n BK, known at the time as Pickle, tried to form a team for the NCC in order to get some more playing time. The CCSL was hesitant to go for that, because the original NCC team apparently forfeited too many games due to lack of players. I think it was a season later when I caught wind of this idea when BK approached me with the idea of forming an Old City team. I sat down with Ed, Ryan, and Buddy from the Force and lamented about the lack of playing time over some beers. Meanwhile, BK and Kerry Sautner were pressuring Ed Wagner (CCSL Commish/Franklin Force teammate) to let the NCC return to the league.

What ended up happening is this: We got our team! Hooray! To keep the number of teams even, the ringers from the Franklin Force formed their own team (Catahoula Refugees) and left the science nerds to fend for themselves as the Franklin Force. With that convoluted history lesson out of the way, here is a list of people I make fun of (and that you should meet when we play them):

Buddy Muhler: Buddy is 28, bald, and has an epic ZZ-Top Beard. As one of my best friends and longtime teammate of BK and I, Buddy will get made fun of more than just about anyone else.

Ryan Whitmarsh: AKA Twitmarsh, Management, and Not the Blogfather. Ryan is a dick and the captain of the Catahoula Refugees who has the same head as the Hulk, just whiter and stupider. I couldn't even explain who he is without making fun of him. Despite that, he's pretty funny and will give you got hitting advice.

Nick Ventrola: AKA Memorial Nick. Another Franklin leftover on the Refugees. Nick and Ryan are hetero lifemates in the vein of Jay and Silent Bob, except neither of them are silent. If you are female, Nick will hit on you. Also, if you are a pretty dude. But don't worry, our Nick has been labeled as Memorial Nick's nemesis, due to Ventrola flying out to him several times last season.

Ed Wagner: CCSL Commissioner and Club Edventures founder. Ed is like the Wizard of Oz of drinking games. One of his Edventures is a pretty cool rafting trip in August and is highly recommended.

Tina: Tina plays for the Fleischer. She retired this year, after inventing softball and playing for countless years, but she will still heckle the shit out of all of us. Expect to see her tonight.

Mickey Maley: AKA Mickles, Mickowitz. Asscap of the Force, and probably their best player. Mickey's strong desire to win is overcome by only his loyalty to Ben Franklin's favorite softball team.

Candy Graham: AKA Injurygraham. Candy (seen in photo with BK and I above) is known for getting injured, except for the miracle of 2012 during which she didn't get hurt once.

Derm: The Jolly Green Giant of the Refugees. Has the same laugh as the Ghost of Christmas Present from the Muppet Christmas Carol.

Maureen & Danielle: The Olsen Twins of the CCSL. I put them on this list specifically to make fun of them.

Adam Philips: The latest addition to the list of people to make fun of, Adam (AKA Destroyer, Beast, Clutch) is on Team Green Tambourine, the weird Please Touch/Barnes hybrid now known as the Barney Touchers. Adam's addition to this list is based on his team's propensity toward forfeiting and the fact that I work with him and we've been talking shit for two months already.

Over time, you will see other random names pop up, and I'll do my best to explain who they are. In the meantime, keep sending me quotes and reminders from the games, and most importantly, have fun!

Fleischermania IV

Tonight is a big night for the Rising Suns, as we meet the Fleischer Art Memorial for the fourth time. It only seemed appropriate to give this match up an over-sensationalized name to hype up the game, so ladies and gentlemen, welcome to FLEISCHERMANIA IV!!!!!! Here's a look at how the first three Fleischermanias went down:

Fleischermania I - The Phantom Menace - June 18, 2012
This historic first meeting saw the Rising Suns blindsided by an opponent more formidable than anticipated. Despite a heroic home run from Cap'n BK, the Fleischer (who still need a clever nickname) went on to dominate the Suns in a 29-1 massacre. Though he missed Fleischermania I, a prophetic blogger predicted "the next time we play the Art Memorial, things will be different." Hmmm.

Alyssa McIntyre's favorite film

Fleischermania II - The Clone Wars Back 2 the Hood - July 17, 2012
Things will be different indeed. Coming off a spirited showing against the Franklin Force, the Rising Suns came into Fleischermania II hungry for a win. And we got it. With our best lineup of the season and stellar play across the board, the Rising Suns staved off a winless season with an heroic 11-6 victory. Highlights included Kevin's multiple triples, BPH's performance on the mound, and Aaron Benson's game-sealing grand slam in the top of the seventh. Also noteworthy from this game was the official formation of the Happy Fun Times Committee.

Fleischermania III - Revenge of the Sith - March 27, 2013
Prior to the opening bell of the 2013 CCSL season, the Rising Suns squared off against the Fleischer Art Memorializers (?) in a preseason scrimmage. Those evil bastards showed up with improved play and a few new heavy hitters that helped them along their way to a 17-11 victory. Despite the loss, we played well and maybe, just maybe if we went a full seven innings we would have seen a different outcome. 

Fleischermania IV - A New Hope - April 16, 2013
Tonight, my faithful reader, things will be different. We are coming off of what I think was our  best performance. We are hitting well and playing smarter in the field. Communication in the field has improved. Our new bats are pretty legit. There's a lot going for us in this game, including the memory of Fleischermania II when we got the duke on that glorious summer night. So tonight, we will drink beer, score runs, and hopefully no one will take a shot in the mouth from an errant ball. So I leave you now with some words of inspiration. Not from me, but because it is WrestleFleischermania IV and there is red and yellow on our jerseys, from the Hulkster himself:


Prediction: 16-12, Rising Suns with a big win early in the season

Zoobilee Zoo

Everyone loves making new friends! (Except Tiff)

Previously on Rising Suns Softball: We lost and I was a crankypants.

Tonight's Episode: Yes, tonight was another in the L column for the Rising Suns. But it was also one of our better games and a sign of wins on the horizon. After one inning in the books we were all tied up at two. The Zoo managed to get a few more runs on the board, but we played some of our best defense in the next couple of innings. John Pugh worked well with Allie and Charlotte, getting some key outs. Spellman heckled Charlotte for not getting a double play, but our faithful Pope didn't turn any double plays either. His head got pretty red, though.

We almost batted through the order in one inning, and overall our hitting was good. The new yellow bat seemed to be a welcome addition to the team. If memory serves, almost everyone had at least one hit and several crossed the plate. In fact, we tied for our highest score in Rising Suns history tonight with 14 runs on the board. For the record, Team Green Tambourine (worst name ever) scored nothing tonight because they couldn't field enough players. Just saying.

As with most of our games, we had one rough inning in which we gave up a lot of runs. I apologize for my pair of errors at first, which probably didn't help. The Zoo had a few hitters who were consistently finding the holes in our defense, and there wasn't much we could do there. As Cap'n BK said, with some better defense we're a contender this year.

The Score: 23-14, Animals win

Skinned my knees while taking a shot in the mouth. Let the jokes begin.

Mr. Bump Injury Report: Well, I slid to the ground to stop a grounder that ended up catching me square in the jaw. I expect to be back to heckling tomorrow, so no worries. Apart from that, we walked out of this game unscathed.

Aesop's Moral Victory of the Game: We played well for 90% of the game, made smart plays in the field, and put 14 runs on the board. Also, Barry's pitching seemed to befuddle the Zoo for a good two innings, and Harry Potter showed that our bullpen is deeper than that of the Phillies right now.

When Your Bank Says No, Champion Says Yes Champion of the Game: B-Hussey for a spectacular sliding catch in left and a decent showing at the plate.

Quotes:

"It's ok, I bless with this hand." - Pope Francis Robert Spellman, after a line drive to his southpaw
"Wonder what he means by 'bless'" - Anonymous

"Pour some beer on it!" - BK, using the Ed Wagner First Aid guidelines

"NNNNNOOOOO!!!!" - Speak-N-Spellman, shielding Da Ali V Show from a foul ball

Josh, in the Snark Tank

"That was so goddamned sexy!" - Shameless HFTC President, regarding B Hussey's stellar catch

"I am the Jill." - Jill. Don't remember when this happened, but it was on the quote list

"Nice cardigan, bro." - One bro to another, at Cherry Street Tavern

"I hope you guys lose more than us." - Some guy who forfeited a game but calls himself the Destroyer

"I don't feel awkward when I should." - HFTC member
"That's the understatement of the year." - Scientist

"Way to get that double play." - Sarcastic Boots
"Snark Tank!" - Scrappy Doo

"Does this make my butt look big?" - Josh (see photo)

Next time on Rising Suns Softball: We have the Fleischer Art Memorial on Monday. We beat these guys last year and put up a decent showing against them in the preseason. This one's winnable. Also, later this week there will be a special blog post detailing the rich history of the CCSL and how our spunky little team came to be. 

Mistakes Happen

Spellman for America

Previously on Rising Suns Softball: We finished the 2012 season with a win and looked ok in the preseason.

Tonight's Episode: The two teams with only one win from last season met tonight in what should have been an exciting contest. In the first inning, the top of the Rising Suns order hit three home runs in a row followed with a John Pugh triple. This should have set the tone for the season, but alas, twas not to be. At the top of the second we led 4-2 and it was all way downhill from there.

The Force adjusted their outfield and Wiggles made some good plays to contain our power hitters for the remainder of the game. Said Wiggles also did well at the plate, as we did not adjust to contain the Franklin's hitting. Hopefully a practice on Monday will help address our fielding issues.

In other news, we had good pitching throughout the game and decent fielding early on. Our bats were on fire early, and were quickly extinguished. Several members of the Rising Suns were curious as to why some positions played the entire game whilst others were three deep on the depth chart. There is something to be said for getting everyone some playing time, whereas there is also something to be said for keeping a cohesive unit on the field. Unfortunately, we didn't really do too much of either. Going forward, our focus should be on communication and smart plays in the field as well as patience at the plate. Frustration led to several outs from our hitters.

The Score: 23-6, Force.

Mr. Bump Injury Report: First Lobster was victim of friendly fire at least twice. The Pope took himself out of the game to avoid a repeat of last year's career-ending injury. Hopefully both will be ready to go next week.

Aesop's Moral Victory of the Game: We all had jerseys, I guess.

When Your Bank Says No, Champion Says Yes Champion of the Game: Da Ali V Show for taking the aforementioned friendly fire.

Quotes:

"What, you don't like America?" - Speak-N-Spellman to the Frankliners regarding our bunting

"I'm scrappy!" - Marino, thinking she can handle the President

"Aww, I wanted to say that!" - Buddy, when someone else said "Your mom"

"Nice hat." - The Pope
"Did you just say I'm hot?" - A scientist who is used to compliments

"You're playing first, right?" - Budsy
"Ha! With my luck, I'm DH!" - HFTC President who can see the future

"Why are some people in for the entire game while three people share one position?" At least three people, none of whom are me (for the record)

"Drink our beer." - Injurygraham

"I want him on our team!" - Cap'n Budsy to Marino about someone on the Rising Suns

"Is there going to be another longest national anthem ever this year?" - Mr. Andrew Piazza

"His name is Wiggs? As the only registered Federalist in Pennsylvania, I resent that." - SNS

Next time on Rising Suns Softball: We are hoping to have a practice on Monday, followed by Tuesday's game  at Edgley 8 against the Zoo. We're away in this game, with our home opnere on 4/15 against the Fleischer. If we play smart and keep the mistakes to a minimum, we can win both!

Disclaimer: My fingers are frozen and my brain is drunk. Sorry for the typos.

Forced Enthusiasm

Science Fest - Coming Soon!

Tonight, we have the Franklin Force at Edgely 4 to open the 2013 CCSL season. Last year, we faced the Force in the second to last game of our inaugural season, and it went a little something like this. A few things have changed since that game last season. Here are some of those key changes:

• Buddy's beard grew
• B-Straz left the Rising Suns, leaving us without that key unassisted double play at short
• Jason left the Force, so no more line drives to my glove
• Tucker left the Force, so no more clueless base running
• Buddy's beard grew some more
• The Force went on an engaging, marrying, baby-making spree
• Half of our team is no longer designing a badass exhibit
• We got new bats

Hamels' mustache > Buddy's beard

Tonight, we find out if any of that shit matters. The Force has looked good in practice. Well, as good as that group of people can look. But they should be formidable opponents. As should everyone else in the league. Speaking of everyone else in the league, Twitmarsh predicted a 3-15 season for us and 2-16 for the Franklin. To me, that's a prediction of a win for the good guys today. Let's examine some other predictors:

• Magic 8-Ball: "Concentrate and ask again." Fine, asshole.
• Magic 8-Ball Take 2: "Concentrate and ask again."You have got to be kidding me.
• Magic 8-Ball Take 3: "Yes Definitely." Finally.
• Coin Flip (NCC-Heads/TFI-Tails): Tails. Shit.
• Dice Roll (NCC-High/TFI-Low): 11. 

Also, I had a dream in which Buddy trimmed his beard, so between that, the lazy 8-Ball and the dice, it's a win for the Rising Suns. I'm sticking with a 14-11 score that I predicted last week. Here are some more predictions:

• Debris will settle into Buddy's beard
• Injurygraham will get injured
• BK will be woefully optimistic about our playoff chances after the game
• Heckling will be at an all-time high
• I will not fall 
• I will jinx myself in a blog post
• Maureen and/or Danielle will lose some sort of bet to me
• Beth Van ACE will strike out at least two of those silly science people
• The Rising Suns outfield will communicate and contain the Force hitters
• BK will spend another season denying the existence of this blog
• Charlotte will put the snark back into snarky
• Jill the Scientist will show up
• Harry Potter will not
• Our team shirts will look snazzy
• You will hear the word "pickle" at least five times