Win One For The Tripper

It's game day! Our season may be over, but the newly-christened Power Bottom World Series continues. Currently, the Franklin Force is ahead two games to one. If you set the wayback machine to the preseason, you may remember the Forceful ones beating us in our first game as a team. We would come back a week later and beat them courtesy of a home run from John Pugh in the last inning. Then, we lost to them when it counted, 24-11.

But things have changed, ladies and gents. We beat the Fleischer 11-6, and I know we can beat the Franklin tonight! Unfortunately, I will be out of town (hence the title). I fully expect to play them once more upon my return. With that in mind, here are the keys to winning this game:

• Heckle the shit out of Buddy
• Avoid giant hot dogs
• Drink a lot
• Score more runs than they do

Good luck!

Bats

The newly-formed Happy Fun Times Committee has been busy since our season (officially) ended last week. With no more softball, the Social Chair is hard at work finding new places to induce intoxication while still including the use of bats. Surprisingly, there are several great options.

Everyone's a critic

One day removed from the beginning of our undefeated streak, the HFTC gathered at a local watering hole for TGIF Quizzo. We were split into two teams. One of the teams won, or something. The other team had the best name and the most fun. So there. What did this have to do with bats? Um, Corey totally liked baseball.

He even likes the right team

From there, everyone's favorite Social Chair was forced (pun) to fraternize with an enemy of the Franklin variety. I joined Mousekowitz and a couple of French whores for a viewing of The Dark Knight Rises at the Neshaminy Mall. It's the only mall I know of with dioramas. Mall exhibits aside, this leads to a new feature called the Official Social Chair Film Review. So here it is. Official Social Chair Film Review of The Dark Knight Rises: It was good.

This is a thing

Inter-CCSL fraternization continued with an impromptu practice on Tuesday at Dairy 2. I took a grounder from either Chippy or Chuckles right smack in the shin, which left a nice little bump. Later, Chuckles threw his version of a fastball at my neck. Finally, Maureen (no stranger to lumps) kindly put a dent in the aforementioned shin lump with a well-placed throw. The lesson to be learned here is that the Franklin Force is trying to kill me with balls. Speaking of that team and balls, they love balls so much, they joined a Bocce league. In other news, there's a Bocce league.

Bat Nipples vs. Bat Strep Throat

After helping the Frankliners with target practice, it was time for Mega Bad Movie Night at the Academy of Natural Sciences. Sixty percent of the Happy Fun Times Committee were in attendance, thus making it a Happy Fun Time. Harry Potter was there too, showing off a whole host of animals including a snake, a gator, and a turkey vulture yet not a single snowy owl. What gives, Harry? Jill the Scientist was dressed as a centerfold from Better Homes & Gardens while being a fantastic hostess. Da Ali V Show competed valiantly for free stuff and movie naming, but apparently her winning ways only lasted two days. Speak-N-Spellman was nowhere to be found, though there were reports of a one-legged man floating down the Parkway at the height of the storm.

Scientists in their natural habitat

Quotes:

"Hey, I just met you and you're a weenie, but here's my number, so call me Feeny." - The Quizzo guy announcing our name

"My couch pulls out, I don't." - Boots suggesting an alternate team name

"I'm still mad about the OJ chase interrupting TGIF." - Social Chair, at TGIF Quizzo

"George Clooney was by far the best Batman ever" - A poor, misguided Ali V

 "My garden needs tending." - Poison Ivy

"What's the opposite of the World Series?" - Injurygraham, wondering what to call the "playoffs" between the Freedom and the Force
"The Power Bottom Series." - La Flama Blanca, coming through with the right answer

"When a crime breaks out, all the cute girls shout, 'Get the good-looking guy.' When there's a crime out there, he's going to comb his hair, cause he's the good-looking guy." - Eric "Plays With Squirrels" Matthews

"And I was just about to tell her that I'm convincing my board to hire her." - Social Chair about Jill the Scientist's pal Lansie, who had just stolen my shoe

A Case for the Cup

Below is a list of reasons we should be everyone's favorite team:

We're plucky

• We're fun
• Our heckling is mostly good-natured
• We suffered broken feet, dislocated shoulders, and a variety of nasty cuts and bruises. And that's just at first base.
•  Bruce Springsteen would pick us
• We're all about moral victories
• There are two Husseys on our team
• Jill the Scientist keeps referring to us as the Ms. Congeniality of the CCSL
• The word "plucky" has been used to describe us
• Other teams want our players on their teams
• The Commissioner's Cup would make us feel better about never getting jerseys
• We played the National Anthem before our last few games
• A vote for us is a vote for Freedom
• We're the only team with walk-on music
• We also selected a walk on song for Buddy; it was "Whip My Hair"
• Everyone loves pickles
• We have lots of fun facts
• Fun Fact: We love beer
• Ask about our fire hats
• We'll invite you to the team party
• We have a Happy Fun Times Committee. Guess what they specialize in.
• Some of us are really good at TGIF Quizzo
• Others are better at Christmas Quizzo
• Fun Fact: Both TGIF and Christmas are awesome
• We do the Mighty Ducks slow clap and quack before games
• The following bear would vote for us:
 


So remember, vote for us for Miss Congeniality The Commissioner's Cup

A Victory For Freedom

That's right, our games start with the National Anthem

Do you believe in miracles? After a twelve game losing streak, the Old City Freedom/Rising Suns/whatever came out swinging in a big win over the Fleischer Art Memorial. Our fielding was on point, our bats were awake, we had a BK-professed best lineup of the season, and a good time was had by all.

This win was truly a team effort. BK dropped himself and an All Star first basemen from the field to make room for all of the talent that came together on Tuesday, and it was the right call. Kudos, sir. The outfield let very few balls get past them and the infield kept it chatty and made smart throws to get critical outs. At the plate, the guys and gals in red stepped up their game to contribute to our 11 runs. Not all of our runners scored, but we did get a lot on base in the game. Overall, we improved in every aspect of the game, from fielding to hitting to snarking.

Aaron's Grand Slam

I'm not sure if BK gave the game ball to our MVP last night, but I would have to say that there are at least three people deserving of such a title. One is obviously Aaron "Detective Olivia" Benson for his game-sealing grand slam in the top of the seventh. Kevin also racked up several RBIs over a pair of triples early in the game. BPH pitched a stellar game, getting at least one K in the book that I saw. Well done, gents.

 The efforts of the newly-christened Happy Fun Times Committee must also be recognized. Ali and Jill brought their love for "Call Me Maybe" to the rest of the team, Amy added that bad ass edge to the committee, and Tiffany snapped some great photos AND renamed the committee. Well done, ladies.

Amy the Bad Ass at second

Now, friends of Freedom, onto the post-season. There is a lot of talk about playing more games. What's definite is the All-Star game, going down on Tuesday, August 7th. Sometime between now and then, we will play a game or two the the Franklin Force into which we will carry the momentum of a win and they will drag the weight of not scoring in their last game. We may also fool around on the side with the Flesicher and the Bad Touch if they play their cards right. Yes, my friends, there is more softball to be played. Also, let me know if you're interested in playing in another league this fall.

Hussey on the mound

Score: 11-6, WE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Injury Report: No one got hurt. Not even feelings.

This is how you play catcher

Moral Victory of the Game: We fucking won.

Things To Look Forward To:

Boots, contributing

• The All Star Game
• A series of Fan Appreciation Games
• Spellman's Season Wrap-Up
• Team Party at the Residence of the Social Chair
• Prohibition-themed programming from the NCC and Elfreth's Alley
• Mega Bad and Mega Rad nights at the Academy
• Fall softball
• Calling me (maybe)
• Fall leagues

Quotes:

"For realsies, this is our best lineup of the season." - BK, on target
"And there's this week's woefully optimistic quote." - PW, off target

"I forgot to bring my time-out tent." - Scrappy Doo

"We should take another team photo, we only had 12 people last time." - Me
"I know, I wasn't there that time." - Speak-N-Spellman
"Yeah, now you can take the picture!" - Me

"We're winning 7-6." - Captain Krisch, upon being asked the score
"Sshhh! You'll scare it away!" - Totally not superstitious Jenna

Spectator

"Somebody actually threw the ball to Charlotte!" - A surprised Scientist

"It's decided, let's never lose again." - BK

"Guys, my goal tonight is just to get to first base." - Ali
"Do you mean in softball or…" - Pat
"Interpret how you will, a girl has needs." - Ali
"Luckily for you there's two Husseys on this team." - Pat
"It’s just too easy" - Amy the Bad Ass as she shakes her head
"Why? Because you’re a Hussey?" - Jill

"Come back to my team damnit!" - Some bald guy

"I don't want to be distracting." - A very humble Scientist

"Sorry about Wednesday, it's Danielle's fault. She's going to see Buddy Holly." - Mo knows the day the music died
"That's not going to be a very exciting show. He's dead." - Some asshole

"BAHAHA HEE HAW HEE HAW HEE HAW" - Ventrola, laughing at Buddy's strike out at the other field

"Fucking blog." - Dejected Boots

"Dude, I'll give you $5 to streak right now. Just run around the mound, Tim won't care!" - The Tucker

A good game indeed

"You should have stayed longer." -  Social Chair to the Happy Fun Times Committee
"Sorry, I had two Husseys waiting for me in the car." - Da Ali V Show

"Somebody left their rubber on the mound." - Some asshole

"World Fucking Champions!" - Chase Utley

"I'm fairly certain that my Facebook has blown up more tonight over our ONLY softball win than it did the night the Phillies won the World Series." - Ali V

Now take us out for pizza

"I'm just going to grab me some of this ass right here." - TFI Barbie

"Hey Pat, your time finally won a game, what are you going to do next?" - On field reporter
"I'm going to Disney World!" - Yours truly

OMG WE WON

"OH MY GOD, WE'RE GOING TO WIN! SOMEBODY GET WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS READY!" - The entire bench after two outs in the 7th

"What are you doing?" - Jill, the bird geek
"I'm going to throw this at the hawk to make it go away." - SNS
(Long evil stare and silence)
"I am not going to throw this at the hawk to make it go away." - SNS

"John Pugh is here!" - BK, trying hard not to smile and do a little jig

"Hey, I just met you and this is crazy..." - Carly Rae Jepson, currently in your head. You're welcome.

"I can't believe you've never seen my ass before." - TFI Barbie to K-Slice

"WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Everybody, at the end

I've Had The Time Of My Life

I have to admit, I was nervous that this game was not going to be as fun as I was expecting. Luckily I was wrong and Jill & Ali V (The Entertainment Committee) chose the perfect walk on music for me. And for everyone else for that matter. Well done, ladies. Hmm, maybe I'll cook them a better dinner than the one Danielle and Maureen are getting.

We went back to giving up a buttload of runs in the first couple of innings and were down by somewhere in the neighborhood of 21-3 after two. In the next five innings, we stepped up our defense and outscored the Force 8-3, but it was too little, too late. Nevertheless, we played well. The outfield kept it contained pretty well in those last 5 innings, and Brian S. turned an unassisted double play while at short. Aaron's cannon-like throws from the outfield caught the attention of a Force female. Our bats woke up a little, but our best offense was definitely in our best base-running of the season. Finally, I must toot my own horn just a little for turning three unassisted double plays at first. Also, I apologize for spiking the ball after the second one, thus allowing a run to score. I also apologize for the amount of times I will bring this little "triple double" up.

On the horizon lies one more regular season game against the Fleischer. I would love for us to take the momentum of those last five innings into next week's game and get that oh-so-elusive win. Beyond that, there is a post-season, folks! We are now down 2-1 in our series against the Franklin, and we would like to make it a best of five while other teams are in the playoffs. There is also the All-Star Game (we get to send three players), the Fan Appreciation Game (an excuse to be excessively ridiculous), and perhaps a game in which we join Forces (pun) with the Franklin to take on the Catahoula Refugees (get your DD ready for this one). Captain Buddy from the Force is also considering getting a team together for a fall league if any of you are interested in playing.

Score: 24-11 Force. We are now the only winless team.

Moral Victory: A good time was had by all. Or at least most. The Old City Freedom Fighters finally hung out after the game! There was drinks and cake at the field, and even more drinks at Cherry Street. Let's do this more often.

Injury Report: There were reports of Tucker feeling woozy, uncomfortable, and out of sorts but then he did dizzy bat and was fine. Mousekowitz added an extra ball to BK's collection but our brave Captain walked it off. Ryan Whitmarsh's feelings were hurt when he didn't get any texts about the game, he should be back in time for the playoffs. Buddy and I also were on the receiving end of cooler baths from our respective teams. Thanks for that, guys and gals.

Quotes:

"Are you Pickles?" - Maureen trying to introduce herself to an unamused BK

"It's the game of the weak." - My Dad, upon hearing about the epic clash between to winless teams

"Yay, you're back!" - Ali V
"The bench isn't the same without you!" - Everyone's Favorite Scientist

"I feel like our teams have the same dad but different moms." - Some whacko

"Is it still cool to keep your shoes untied?" - Tucker V. Tuckerson
"Yeah, have you seen the music videos?" - Chris

"I've had the time of my life." - Bill Medley, Jennifer Warnes, and yours truly

"That's going to give me nightmares." - Maureen, about Buddy's Metallica cackle
"A lot of people from softball give me nightmares." - Maureen, moments later

"I always sound so woefully optimistic in the blog quotes." - BK
"We could win this, we just need 11 runs." - BK, later

"CHOOOOOOOCH!" - Tucksy

"Hey, me just met you and this is crazy, but you have cookie, so share it maybe?" - Cookie Monster

"Dude! Recycling! Something about a can of beans!" - BPHuss

"Five, no, six, no, seven, no eight..." - Birthday Muhler answering how drunk he was on a scale of 1-10

"I'll take a fish taco." - Mo knows taunts after getting me out at second

"Must...play...softball..." - Twitmarsh, suffering without a bat in hand

"Tucker, there's no outs. Don't run if it's in the air this time." - Chuckles to no one, apparently

"That was the worst hip bump ever." - Mike "Crash Test Dummy" Simzak

"What is that guy running away from?" - Mousekowitz, about Hussey
"Probably a lightning bug." - Asscap PW

"Hey everyone! Charlotte's afraid of giant weiners!" - Me, loudly

"You want to join our team for a fall league?" - Buddy, contributing to my descent into softball madness

"Can I join your other softball team?" - Me to The Jillster,

"Did we just become best friends?" - HP, bonding with an Asscap over a burrito

"Dude! Quit the pickle!" - Tuckles working the trade block

"Your soccer team still sucks." - El Jefe, after bowing at my feet

"Who's better, me or Ventrola? Thoughts?" - Injurygraham's Benson impersonation

"We just awkwardly touched." - Mo knows pick up lines

"The unassisted record for double plays in one game stands at 2 for both Leagues. The players are Mike Edwards playing with Oakland (AL) on August 10, 1978. The NL unassisted record is shared by Dave Force playing in Buffalo on September 15, 1881 and Claude Ritchey playing in Louisville on July 9, 1899." - baseball-almanac.com

Silent But Deadly

Well, that was our worst performance of the year. Of course, I missed the spanking we received from the Fleischer. Maybe we just don't perform well against artsy people. Our line up looked good on paper, but then we got scissored by the Farties, and scissors beats paper, so that was that.

Remnants of what the Farties did to us.

I'm kind of half-assing this recap, but here's how it went down. Barb pitched 3 or 4 hitless innings,  including the one where I thought I hit it just over her head and I was dead wrong. Somehow, our improvement in the field from two weeks ago all but disappeared, most evident on one play where the ball bounced off of the feet of three of us. Pugh made us look good for a couple of minutes when he drilled a triple and recorded one of the two RBIs we had in the game. Newcomers Jack and Bridget contributed with a decent hit from Jack and Bridget getting a K on the mound. Da Ali V Show pitched a pretty stellar 1-2-3 inning. Other than that, it was pretty sloppy.

Looking ahead, we have the Franklin Force tomorrow. They are the other winless team and we should put up a fight. MMN claims that they are fielding 10 with no subs, but I find that hard to believe. After all, no subs is why the team split. Come to think of it, no subs is why Hoagiefest wasn't as fun last year. No matter, let's show up to play.

Score: Freedom Haters 20 - Freedom 2

Moral Victory of the Game: Um, no one got hurt?

Quotes:

"This is our best lineup to date." - BK, right before 3 or 4 hitless innings

"How come I've only made the blog once?" - Brian S
"Somebody reads the blog?" - Social Chair

"OMG I LUV UR BLOG!" - BK, to Whiskey Frank

"If this was pinball, we'd have a lot of points right now." - Bootsy, after aforementioned errors

"And do what with them?" - Smith
"Put them in your mouth." - A Hussey

"We hit where they were." - Da Ali V Show
"They hit where they weren't." - Bridge with a T
"Also, we sucked." - Me

"Look everyone, I'm here!" - MMN

"I'm going to teach my kindergartners about jugs." - Some Harlot

"It's hard being the only Hussey." - Amy the Bad Ass

"Good eye!" - Me, after a ball in the dirt
"Fuck you!" - Kidnappable Allie, not taking compliments right now

"So, basically a vibrator caused the headboard to bang and you..." - Speak-N-Spellman
"I started screaming." - Scrappy Doo

"I get useless after awhile." - Somebody

"Hey Mike, want to be cool like me and skip the game?" - Jill the Scientist
"Yeah!" - Harry Potter

Smells Like Team Spirit

We have two games this week, one against the Farties and one against the Franklin Force. Let's win them both. Here are some reasons why we should beat the Force on Tuesday:

• What better way to celebrate their captain's birthday than by handing him a defeat?
• They made a point of reminding me that we are now the only team without jerseys in the league.
• They will out drink us, so we need to out score them.
• The members of our team from the Academy are out for blood in this one.
• Kerry Sautner will be proud.
• We should try winning, just a little bit, just to see how it feels.