Stupid Rainbows

Let's take a look at the facts: In the past two days we have scored 27 runs, had two 1-2-3 innings defensively, batted through the order in two innings, racked up hits for nearly every member of the team, and made some great defensive plays. Those are the good facts, and the ones I choose to focus on. In the past two days we gave up 53 runs? Who cares? That shit isn't important.

Things started off well today, with the Blogfather coaching Scrappy Doo and yours truly to some better hitting (which I chose not to replicate come game time). We gave up five in the first, and our bats didn't wake up until a few innings later. Or maybe it was one inning later. These were pretty long innings. When the bats finally did wake up, we replicated yesterday's feat of batting through the order, which is fun. Fun Fact: When Ben takes a single instead of a double, we hit around. True story.

This is roughly how the 7th inning looked

As the game wore on, it got out of reach to the point that P&P fielded a small dog. While the dog didn't get a chance to bat, it showed tremendous determination to get the ball while in the field. Leroy Brown, a much bigger dog, salivated. Finally, in the bottom of the seventh, as I got to first on a terrible hit, BK mentioned that if I scored, that would give us a season-high 14 runs. So naturally we had two outs staring us down by the time I got to third. One crack of the bat later, everyone got see what it looks like when a bigass white dude does a cannonball on solid ground. Style points aside, it was effective (and I still have never technically slid in this league).

Score: 30-14, Implements of Inscription

Moral Victory: Putting up a season-high 14 runs and having our second inning of batting through the entire order.

Injury Report: All three Brians ended up on the ground at some point. Harry Potter turned some interesting colors after yesterday's ball bombardment. I learned a valuable lesson about gravity, mass, and surface area.

Quotes:

"Double Rainbows!" - Several team members, who will never repeat that cheer again*

"I need a belly rub." - BPH, who was rolling around in the grass
"Aw, I love it when Hussey's playful!" - Harry the P

"Wait, you're taking a guy named Lewis canoeing? Are you gonna go across the whole country?" - Speak-N-Spellman AKA Boots AKA Bootsy AKA Governer Morris

"If we can win tonight, we clinch a playoff berth." - The Blogfather, who at that point was up by at least 12
"PLAYOFFS?!?!" - Buddy Muhler, somewhere far, far away

"Too Cool For Softball." - Slogan from the t-shirt Jill wore tonight

"I can barely hold two because they're so big, I couldn't handle three." - Ali V, about balls

"Limpin' ain't easy." - Spellman

"Shrimpin' ain't easy." - Forrest Gump

"Blimpin' ain't easy." - Captain of the Hindenburg

"Did you say fancy d-bags?" - Me, badly mishearing a Harlot


*Unless in the event of an actual double rainbow

Double Rainbow

After a two-week absence, everyone's favorite underdog blog is back. Last week we apparently lost bad to the team that was essentially last year's version of us. I wasn't at the game but this is what I gather happened: Despite BK having it his way with a home run we never had a chance, but the Fleischer played the entire game like they were down by ten (they weren't). If we show the same spark we showed today the next time we play the Art Memorial, things will be different. Moving on.

Today's game was interesting. After giving up five runs in the top of the first, it looked like we were on par for some same old same old. But then a funny thing happened: someone asked Jenna to go get some beer, and she said "What's the point? It'll be too late by the time I get back." I responded by assuring her that we would bat through the order in the bottom of the first. And we did. At the end of the first, we had a 6-5 lead, our first come from behind lead.

Place holder image until I upload the team photo. 

Now I don't have the book on me, but I'm fairly certain that everyone who touched a bat today got on base. Runs were scored thanks to good hitting and smart base running. In the field, we kept the errors to a minimum and only gave up 3 or 4 unearned runs. Some Hussey took the mound and we had a 3 up 3 down inning. We improved all around, which bodes well for future outings.

Up next we have the Pen & Pencil Club, who we scored 11 runs on the last time we played them. If we carry our momentum from tonight's feel good game of the year into tomorrow we should have another competitive game to look forward to.

Score: 22-13, bringing us to 0-9 on the season.

Moral Victory: We played well all around. The bats were alive, fielding was much better. Plus, a double rainbow happened.

Injury Report: Harry Potter was viciously assaulted by Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle tonight. Malfoy would be Mr. Potter's fancy footwork rounding first, magically turning a double into a bloody single. Potter followed that up with balls to the shin and foot. Not a good day to be a wizard.

Quotes:


"Is there a way to make fun of Spellman's foot?" - Some asshole
"That was mean, I shouldn't have said that." - Same asshole

"You hugged a wizard." - A scientist, scientifically observing the male bonding experience

"I'm fisting you from back here." - Kat. No context.

"No one's said anything, keep playing with it." - Kidnapable Allie, presumably to Kat the Fister.

"Just so you know, we're on a winning streak. Some of us won at flip cup last night." Me, savoring victory anyway I can get it

"Guys, it's cool. I have a broomstick in my trunk." - Harry Potter

"I'm too antisocial to go to two softball games in a row." - Da Ali V Show
"This is why we're friends." - Jill

"That bird's a liar!" - Brian Fellows

"That is a pencil, right?" - Bald scientist to another scientist who had never before been exposed to technological advances in removing graphite from paper

"AAAHHHH! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!!" -  Hussey, diving for cover after being approached by a threatening lightning bug

"I haven't had this many balls hit me since yesterday!" - Everyone's favorite wizard

Double Rainbow Tribute:

Scouting Report

In preparation for today's game, here's a look at who we are facing:

Despite their ability to drink and dance and the fact that they have two hockey goons and one teen wolf on the team, we should make it competitive. See you at Edgeley 8!

Show Me On The Doll...

Today we braved the Belmont fields for the last time for a showdown with the Bad Touch. It wasn't pretty, folks. Apparently we need to brush up on our Sing-Along Songs because we had issues following the bouncing balls. Errors in the field gave the Touchers way more hits and runs than they should have had. Then, in the 5th inning, we woke up. Ben, Aaron, New Nick, and Max were our best outfield combo yet, and the infield stepped their game up with good teamwork between Pugh and Scrappy Doo at Short and 2nd and stellar play from player of the game BVDubs. BK moved from outfield to first and played much better. In the fifth and sixth innings we only gave up one hit. Unfortunately, I had my first out of the game as the second out of a 1-2-3 7th inning. Aboo. Aside from a few strikeouts and my dismal 7th inning showing, our bats were better today, particulary in the aforementioned 5th and 6th innings, and I think we will carry that into tomorrow's game.

With smart fielding and selective hitting (B-E SELECTIVE!), tomorrow is a winnable game. Let's play to win.

Message From the Social Chair: I recently jokingly referred to myself as the team social chair. Apparently some people took it seriously. So here's two things to keep in mind: If you haven't brought beer yet, please do so soon or contribute money to our drinking habits. We love enablers. Also, representatives from both teams will converge on Brown Street Pub (24th and Brown in Fairmount) after tomorrow's game. Hope to see you there.

Aesop's Fables Moral Victory of the Game: Charlotte learned how to keep the book. Also, we have a ton of extra beer for tomorrow.

Humpty Dumpty Injury Report: First base, now known as Cursed Base, claimed its third victim tonight as Speak-N-Spellman injured his foot midway through the top of the first. Speaks thinks it could be serious enough to end his season, which sucks. Also sucking was the fact that Harry Potter wasn't on hand to perform a healing spell. -10 from Gryffindor.

Score: 22-5

Quotes:

"Bob Spellman at first base." - BK
"That's as far as I've ever gotten." - Speak-N-Spellman

"They're here for Bob." - BVDubs, as a helicopter hovered

"Be my wingman Allie, I want to score!" - Some guy who never made it past first base. Aboo.

"All I get is a pity invite?" - MMN

Instances in which "That What She Said" was appropriate:

"It looked good but just a little too long for me." - BK
"Almost there, just an inch too short." - Asscap PW
"Oh, so close!" - Sarah
"I'm going to hit that." - Bad Touch Greg
"He's not deep enough." - MMN

Two Heads Are Better Than One

This week is the lazy, beer-drinking version of a double-header. We start off tonight with a game against the Bad Touch in which we are for some reason favored. Then, tomorrow, the Franklin Buddies try to Force themselves on us. In both instances, we need to remind these forceful, bad-touching teams that no means no and we need wins. This week is the time when we either start on the path to my predicted 3-10 finish or we continue down the trail of uninterrupted imperfection. Regardless, I will not be answering Whitmarsh's texts. Now onto the predictions.

Double header

Bad Touch: The Touchers haven't been having a great season, the lone exception being an early-season butt-raping of Ben Franklin's Buddies. Last week, they lost to the Fleischer by 18 runs. With some smart, consistent playing we should either win or make it a close one. If we continue to interpret "outfield" as "six feet behind infield," we will lose horribly.

12-10 is the score, not sure who has what

Force: They will all hold hands and yell "Force!" I will skip a board meeting to go to this game. The word "pickle" will be thrown around a lot. If miracles exist, the game will start before 6:30. Ryan & Nick will try to end their game as quickly as possible to come watch us and long for the days when (they thought) we liked them. There will be heckling. And in the end, someone will no longer be winless. It's the game of the week, folks.

This game will either end with a low score and handshakes or the highest-scoring CCSL game in history and a brawl. I'm hoping for the latter, seems more exciting.

Worst Safari Ever

Monday saw the Old City Freedom Fighters tangle with the Zoo, um, Animals and the result was...(drumroll please)...we got spanked. By the Zoo. The same team that eeked out an 8-6 win over the other 0 and whatever team in the league. How did this happen? Let's examine the parts of the game I remember.

BVDubs was stellar on the mound, as was Harry Potter, so that's not the issue. The field conditions were sloppier than a Ventrola on a Friday night, which didn't help, but our fielding wasn't the biggest issue. The bats just never woke up. The Male Hussey went all bezerker on the yellow sphere with a triple, which was kind of our highlight. Another highlight was Female Hussey (AKA Amy the Bad Ass) being bad ass on second, but more on that later. That being said, I guess our fielding could have been better. I mean, we gave up 20 runs to the friggin' Zoo. BK Haveityourway (but not really your way) pointed out that we played the Zoo too shallow, which has been my comment on every game thus far. I think this game was particularly shallow because of being backed up against another game and because it was only into us for our looks.

On a more fun note, Scrappy Doo and an Asscap made it to Hoagiefest as the lone representatives for the OCFF tonight. I learned how to keep the book (sort of) and someone called Scrappy a Harlot, so it was pretty good. There were also enough hoagies for everyone, and at least three other teams were happy to see us there. As the newly appointed Old City Social Chair, stay tuned here for more events in which we can interact with other teams without getting spanked.

Next week we have two games, and we will go to the Magic 8-Ball for predictions.

Will we beat the Bad Touch?

• Magic 8 Ball says "Outlook not so good."

Will we beat the Force?

• Magic 8 Ball says "Yes."

If we get our shit together, I think the Magic 8 Ball is on to something. Now on to the fun stuff.

Perdue Fowl of the Game: Mega Bad Mark for his 76 foul balls

Ringling Brothers Clown of the Game: Simzak, for a never ending stream of animal puns

Red Cross Injury Report: 4Loko Barbie fell several times at Hoagiefest but that's nothing new. Injurygraham continues to defy the Vegas odds by remaining healthy. Derm can barely stand and Ryan is old too. El Jefe made it through an entire game with zero injuries, but will owe me two beers on the 16th. Da Ali V Show suffered from severe frostbite while Speak-N-Spellman complained about how warm his jacket was.

Score: Bad guys win 20-4.

Quotes:

"The Hogwarts Express is leaving." - Harry Potter. FUN FACT: Platform 9 3/4 is at the 19th Street entrance of the Academy.

"I'm like the Jar Jar Binks of the team." - Speak-N-Spellman

"I'm going to be boring and not witty, like Jar Jar." - Jillster

"That's Poppycock!" - Buddy, looking down

"I've seen a lot of Husseys go to second base, but never like that before." - Me, after Amy the Bad Ass was bad ass
"BAHAHAHA!" - Sarah, about twenty minutes later

"All those liquid nitrogen shows are paying off." - Jason, after Buddy made a nice grab in right

"I'm pretty, but I never said I was classy." - A very humble Scientist with a Dragon Tattoo

"That's what she said." - About a dozen different people, in reference to too many things

"I wish I could hug Pam everyday." - MMN

"If you don't want beer, I'm drinking a Malibu Bay Breeze." - Whitmarsh

"We're going to win this game." - BK, several times before Monday

"Fuck you!" - Adam's dad to a ball

"Damn, this jacket is so damned toasty!" - SNS to Ali V

"Hey guys, how's the meeting going?" - Megashark
"OMG! WHAT MEETING?!" - Professor Snape's least favorite pupil

"Why don't you look at me when we make love?" - MMN to several people
"Mostly has to do with gag reflex." - General consensus

"But wait, who do I hit on?" - Ryan around Moira, Maureen, and Phyllis

The Blogfather's thoughts on Va-Va-Va-Mickey
"He's a decent hitter."
"He's a very decent hitter."
"He's a very, very decent hitter."
"He's a very, very, very decent hitter."