It's Still Early...

Apparently softball > work today. I'll make this quick. We have played two pre-season games and two regular season games, and they went a little something like this:

@ Franklin Force April 10th
Our first game as a team was against the team that spontaneously combusted into three separate teams in the off-season. It went like this: all of the people who actually work at the 'tute used the Force. The ringers pulled a reverse Lauryn Hill by splitting to join the Fugees, the actual Franklin employees made like the X-Men and turned to a bald man for leadership, and then, well, there's us. That about sums it up, oh and we lost that game. Oh well.
QUOTES: I vaguely remember a couple of vultures chasing Speak-n-Spellman, and he made a humorous remark about our season's life span.
INJURY REPORT: First Basemen #1, shoulder, probably out for the season
SCORE: We lost by more than one baseball point.
MORAL VICTORY: We only lost one person to injury

A Google image search for "Buddy Muhler" returns this as the #2 image. According to Google, this is Buddy Muhler.

vs. Franklin Force April 17th (Now with hot dogs!)
We learned from our mistakes! Or some of them, at least. There was still some half-blind guy with no depth perception in right field (they let me drive, too). Blackjack Andy of the Force brought a grill and made us food. Yay! Tucker V. Tuckerson seemed a bit Tuckered out, but still played dizzy bat for some reason. We fielded better, probably because we smelled hot dogs and wanted to get off the field. Our bats were pretty good, but we had a fair amount of errors go our way. We won this time, so that's cool.
QUOTES: Something disparaging about Memorial Nick. Use the comment section to try out your own insults.
INJURY REPORT: Two games into the preseason and Injurygraham is still functioning. Something isn't right with this picture.
SCORE: We won by a run thanks to a homer from Pew (Pew Pew). I wish my last name sounded like the noise a laser gun makes.
MORAL VICTORY: An actual victory

As if we needed to be reminded of the score.

@ Catty Refugees April 24th
While this provided a great opportunity for three straight weeks of heckling, starting against one of the best teams in the league is kind of a bummer when you're an expansion team. But then a funny thing happened on the way to a crushing loss: we held these bums to three scoreless innings and discovered that Memorial Nick struggles against Actual Nick. Then we made some changes, stopped playing deep, made some errors, and lost the game. These things happen. At least we got in some decent heckling.
QUOTES:
"Get that man a bra!" - As Derm rounded third on his home run
"He's expecting." - Memorial Nick, in response

"Whoa! It's like looking in a mirror!" - BK Haveityourway as Derm pitched to Speak-n-Spellman

"Whoa! It's like looking in a mirror!" - Buddy Muhler, at a mirror

INJURY REPORT: First Baseman #2, knee, questionable. The Artist Formerly Known as Management (henceforth TAFKAM), back & pride, day to day
SCORE: Three games in and I finally remember the score: 14-2. 
MORAL VICTORY: We beat the spread.

vs. Ball Tap Room April 30th

The Tappers

For someone who has played four seasons in this league over the past eight years, I really knew little about this team going other than that they hit deep and still have a trophy boner from last year's long-awaited championship win. It was 4-4 after the first, and I guess that didn't sit well. As we got drunker and occasionally played softball, they began doing whatever they could to avoid Actual Nick in the outfield. There were two close plays at first while we were at bat. We were safe on the first one, and that didn't sit well. We were safe on the second one by a hair, but I called it out so eyes didn't roll out of heads which made BK Haveityourway sad. Sorry, BK. Speaking of BK, let go of that hat. Just let it go. You can pick it up after the play is done.
QUOTES:
"HOLD! HOLD! HOLD!" the entire bench, as Amy the Bad Ass rounded third and slid into home for our final run

"Wilmarth? Benson? Pam? Is this a batting lineup or a list of people that Whitmarsh and Ventrola hate?"

"What the hell is wrong with that dog?" Several teammates who are new to the league

"We're almost winning!" Small child on the SPTR bench when we were down by more than 10. We got heckled by a toddler.
INJURY REPORT: A Tapper got tapped by a wayward pitch that would make Mitch Williams smile.
SCORE: 27-5
MORAL VICTORY: Tango the dog filled in at mascot and immediately out-shined other mascots such as the aforementioned special dog and that asshole Ziggy.