The Artists Formerly Known As Bad Touch

Tomorrow we head over to Dairy 2 for a game against The Please Touch Museum Team Green Tambourine. Normally, this post would be super easy as all I would have to do is make a few Bad Touch jokes. But alas, they went and changed their name to Team Green Tambourine for some reason, so no touchy jokes.

Oh well

In addition to the name change, I have started working at Bad Please Touch so I may have been hesitant to make those jokes anyway. (Right)

Anyway, moving on. There have been varying reports as to why the Touchers went through the name change this year. Many believed they joined forces with the Barnes, which is apparently not true. Some have speculated that they just tired of the aforementioned touchy jokes. Others saw it as an attempt to separate the team from the institution, which while false, has worked. Whenever I mention playing softball at work, the most common response is "Oh, we used to have a team." But I am here to share the real reason with you. Ladies and gentleman, behold Green Tambourine:

 

As it turns out, this groovy 1968 track has been the Bad Touch theme song for years. It tells the tale of a desperate man who will do anything for a few cents. Seriously. "Give me pennies I'll take anything" this poor soul sings. "Drop a dime before I walk away, any song you want I'll gladly play." As the Touchers struggled over the past few years, they turned to this Lemon Pipers tune for comfort. Said one unnamed TGT player after a difficult loss, "The song reminds us that even though we lost, at least we haven't turned to prostitution just yet." 

Things were not going well for TGT. After an early season forfeit, they had to cancel another game due to rain. This wouldn't be a big deal, as every other game in the league was postponed that day, until a taint-obsessed blog post from the Farties rained on everyone's parade. Yet somehow TGT soldiered on, putting that delusional, ranting tirade behind them and getting a close, seventh inning win over the Franklin Force. 

Buddy, drinking with a stuffed penguin after the loss

Enough about them. Let's talk now about why we're going to beat them. First, there is revenge. Last year, we played them on a miserable day at Belmont. On said miserable day, they whooped us 22-5 and Spellman broke his foot. Second, my beard is on the line. TGT shortstop Adam and I bet our beards on this game. Third, and this is the best reason to do anything: because we can. TGT is a beatable team. If we play smart and don't give up that dreaded big inning, we got this.

That being said, we're going to win. I expect it'll be a close game, potentially ending with us coming back and winning it in the bottom of the seventh. They have some good hitters and fielders, but so do we. If we contain them and be patient at the plate, I see us putting one in the W column. Either way, someone is showing up at the PTM staff meeting on Wednesday beardless. Let's make it the other guy.