Off-Season Report and the C.O.C.

The 2013 CCSL season is rapidly approaching, as evidenced by 19 lunatics playing a softball game in January. With that in mind, it is time for the highly-anticipated Off-Season Report. The report will cover as much of the trades, acquisitions, and draft news as possible while touching on a few rumors as well.

Trades/Draft/Acquisitions

• A Hussey has began working for the PMA, but sources close to the situation assure us she will not play for the Farties.
• The President of the Happy Fun Times Committee has gone on several recruiting missions and hopes to bring in at least three new talents to the team.
• According to El Capitain, there are a few who have left the team, but I have already forgotten who.
• Somehow Da Ali V Show is convinced she recruited Ryan Howard for the team.
• Harry Pothead has been in talks with Neville Longbottom, but everyone would rather get Hermione on the team.
• Asscap PW was an off-season loan to the Force but has since returned to the Rising Suns.
• The GM's office has remained silent on who they're looking at in the draft.

The Rumor Mill

• Someone in a decision-making position is considering getting helmets instead of jerseys this year.
• Despite leaving the NCC, Speak-N-Spellman, B-Straz, and both Husseys are expected to return to the team in 2013.
• Despite the aforementioned departures, it looks as though the Old City Rising Suns will become the NCC Rising Suns in a cash deal.
• Three medical professionals, including one college softball player, are considering offers to join the team this year.
• Some harlot is aiming to downplay snark activity over the course of the season.
• Kidnappable Allie is looking to become first lady of the Rising Suns.
• First Lady is not an officially recognized title by the CCSL, Rising Suns, or Happy Fun Times Committe.
• First Lobster is recognized, but that shit's already taken.
• Additional games with acronyms that would make a 13-year-old boy giggle will be added to the schedule (see below).

If there's grass on the field...

The C.O.C.

With a forecast of 63 degrees and sun on the horizon, the Suns and the Force came together to play the Cold Out Classic (COC). Though the weather turned out to be gray, wet, foggy, and in the low 50s, members of both teams claimed to have thoroughly enjoyed the COC. Representatives from the Catahoula Refugees missed the event. Sources say that Memorial Nick refused to enjoy the COC without Twitmarsh, who was looking for a new cave to dwell in. Nevertheless, nearly twenty people were on hand to play the COC, and many of them had great things to say:

"The COC was very pleasing, but my hands still sting a little." - Chuckles Anderson, Esq.

"This was the most successful first COC in history." - Mickey "Not the Captain" Maley

"I would have loved more time with the COC." - Wiggles

"Even after some people were done with the COC, I kept going." - Buddy's Beard

"I do what my beard tells me to do, especially when it pertains to the COC." - Buddy

"I was the last one to come, but I'm glad I made it to the COC with all of my friends." - Maureen

"The COC was fun, but boy will I feel this tomorrow." - Shitshow

"I used three forms of transportation just to get to the COC." - A Hussey

"I left the COC, then I went and got a friend to come back to the COC. It was so worth it." - BK

"I came to the COC and scored early." - A Harlot

"I have been eagerly anticipating the COC, and it was tons of fun." - First Lobster

"We brought our dog to the COC, and she cried the whole time. But we had fun." - Bobby & Megan

"I opted for wood at the COC, and I think it was very beneficial in the end." - Chippy

"I got a shiny new car just to impress the COC." - Chris, no longer a murderer

"I was proud to have named the COC." - Asscap PW

Previews of Coming Attractions:

• The BOOB (Buddy's Old-school Outdoor Bash) - Mid July: Join us on the fields to celebrate Buddy's birthday with the BOOB!
• ASS (All-Star Softball) - August: I have taken the liberty of renaming the All-Star Game.
• The TIT (Team Invitational Tournament) - March: Teams buy in to this tournament, with portions of the proceeds going to things like Hoagiefest or charity. We'll figure it out.
• The SLUT (Softball League Underachievers Tournament) - Late July: The playoffs for those who don't make the playoffs. Kind of like in Fantasy Football.
• The SHITS (Slow-pitch Hitting Instructional Tuesday Seminar) - A Tuesday in March: Someone should show our team how to hit better. Just saying.

(Real) Quotes:

"Make sure to mention I got you out!" - Ali V

"I will, and I will respectfully not mention me getting you out twice." - Whoops

"I hate all of the rules." - A Hussey

"When in doubt, I get violent." - Shitshow

"There are a lot more girls here for the C.O.C. than there were for the F.A.G." - Observational Mickey

"Be sure to mention my hit and run." - A Harlot with a guilty conscience

"Once again, I am way too cool for softball." - Some Scientist

"Want to call it a tie?" "Yeah, let's call it a tie." - Two gentlemen who cannot count