Softball Blogging 101 or What Is This Shit?

Hey, remember that time we won?!

It was recently brought to my attention that there are people on the team who aren't too familiar with what is going on with this blog. This post is intended to make an attempt at explaining this ridiculousness and help you familiarize yourself with the cast of characters that are often the butt of my terrible jokes.

First and foremost, this blog exists to make fun of ourselves and other teams. You will notice that some people get mentioned more than others. This is usually because I try not to insult people I don't know that well. For example, you will see me ridicule BK, our Academy representatives, Charlotte, and Spellman on a frequent basis from our team, and I hurl insults at members of several other teams as well. These are all people who know me well enough to know that I am full of shit and are also likely to send me reminders of funny things that happened or people said during games. Being made fun of is probably the best way to get a mention here, but definitely not the only way.

The blog's secondary purpose is to recap the games (Here's a good recap from last season). As I have the memory of a goldfish cracker, this has been a bit hairy so far this season. I'll get better at this starting tonight, as I plan to take a photo of the book so we can get a bit more recap into these posts so I can waste less space making fun of people you don't know.

With all that being said, I'll introduce you to a few people you don't know, but first, a history lesson:

A long time ago someone thought it was a good idea to start a softball league in Center City. In the early years there were museums, newspapers, and branches of government represented. Most, if not all, of those teams have since morphed into something else. For example, the Chamber of Commerce had a team, and eventually nobody on the team worked for the CoC anymore. So they creatively renamed themselves X-Commerce before taking on a bar sponsor and becoming the South Philly Tap Room. Our team has a somewhat similar history.

The Franklin Institute had a team from day one. For awhile, they teamed up with CHOP to become the Choplin Force or something like that. Eventually, they dropped that ridiculous name and continued on as the Franklin Force, though they kept some hangers-on from CHOP. Over the years, the team grew and grew and grew and began winning championship after championship. Despite this success, several members of the team who actually worked for TFI barely got any playing time while players who were friends of someone or leftovers from CHOP took up the bulk of the playing time (because they were frankly better than the science nerds). For the record, those science nerds included BK, Allie, Charlotte, and yours truly.

Asscap PW & Cap'n BK as CCSL Champions in 2010

Cap'n BK, known at the time as Pickle, tried to form a team for the NCC in order to get some more playing time. The CCSL was hesitant to go for that, because the original NCC team apparently forfeited too many games due to lack of players. I think it was a season later when I caught wind of this idea when BK approached me with the idea of forming an Old City team. I sat down with Ed, Ryan, and Buddy from the Force and lamented about the lack of playing time over some beers. Meanwhile, BK and Kerry Sautner were pressuring Ed Wagner (CCSL Commish/Franklin Force teammate) to let the NCC return to the league.

What ended up happening is this: We got our team! Hooray! To keep the number of teams even, the ringers from the Franklin Force formed their own team (Catahoula Refugees) and left the science nerds to fend for themselves as the Franklin Force. With that convoluted history lesson out of the way, here is a list of people I make fun of (and that you should meet when we play them):

Buddy Muhler: Buddy is 28, bald, and has an epic ZZ-Top Beard. As one of my best friends and longtime teammate of BK and I, Buddy will get made fun of more than just about anyone else.

Ryan Whitmarsh: AKA Twitmarsh, Management, and Not the Blogfather. Ryan is a dick and the captain of the Catahoula Refugees who has the same head as the Hulk, just whiter and stupider. I couldn't even explain who he is without making fun of him. Despite that, he's pretty funny and will give you got hitting advice.

Nick Ventrola: AKA Memorial Nick. Another Franklin leftover on the Refugees. Nick and Ryan are hetero lifemates in the vein of Jay and Silent Bob, except neither of them are silent. If you are female, Nick will hit on you. Also, if you are a pretty dude. But don't worry, our Nick has been labeled as Memorial Nick's nemesis, due to Ventrola flying out to him several times last season.

Ed Wagner: CCSL Commissioner and Club Edventures founder. Ed is like the Wizard of Oz of drinking games. One of his Edventures is a pretty cool rafting trip in August and is highly recommended.

Tina: Tina plays for the Fleischer. She retired this year, after inventing softball and playing for countless years, but she will still heckle the shit out of all of us. Expect to see her tonight.

Mickey Maley: AKA Mickles, Mickowitz. Asscap of the Force, and probably their best player. Mickey's strong desire to win is overcome by only his loyalty to Ben Franklin's favorite softball team.

Candy Graham: AKA Injurygraham. Candy (seen in photo with BK and I above) is known for getting injured, except for the miracle of 2012 during which she didn't get hurt once.

Derm: The Jolly Green Giant of the Refugees. Has the same laugh as the Ghost of Christmas Present from the Muppet Christmas Carol.

Maureen & Danielle: The Olsen Twins of the CCSL. I put them on this list specifically to make fun of them.

Adam Philips: The latest addition to the list of people to make fun of, Adam (AKA Destroyer, Beast, Clutch) is on Team Green Tambourine, the weird Please Touch/Barnes hybrid now known as the Barney Touchers. Adam's addition to this list is based on his team's propensity toward forfeiting and the fact that I work with him and we've been talking shit for two months already.

Over time, you will see other random names pop up, and I'll do my best to explain who they are. In the meantime, keep sending me quotes and reminders from the games, and most importantly, have fun!